Lesbian

(in which I try to act older than I am)

I do not understand how people can believe they are tolerant of others, and then try to deprive them of rights.

You say that gay people want more than your tolerance, we want your acceptance. But how can this be tolerance if you are trying to keep a group of people in a lower class? Because that’s what this is about: having the right to marry the person you love. What does tolerance mean to you? That you will not stone gay people for our “choices?” That you will not stop us from having relationships? That you will allow us to express love in the privacy of our homes? Forgive me if I’m not falling over myself to praise you for your mercy.

Acceptance? Approval? We’re not asking for wedding gifts, and you’re not invited to the party if you’re just deigning to be civil to us.

I don’t speak for all gay people of course, but…

-We’re not doing this to piss you off or be different.

-We don’t need your approval, we just want equal status

-For god’s sake, it’s not a freaking choice.

So if you don’t know, the “Wonder Woman” movie has been in the talks in and around and up the buttz of the D.C. universe.  There are rumors floating around that the Tranny-former’s female lead, Megan Fox is said to be cast as Ms. Diana if ya nasty herself, which I find disgusting and stupid, and…..let me do an aside…

“I know she’s kinda gorge and shiz, but she’s a weakling, and we need a woman to play an Amazon. Have we learned nothing from Xena The Warrior Princess? Sometimes it takes a lez to play a warrior”

So here is the photo-shopped image going around for your viewing dis pleasure.

Wonder..um...yeah..no.

Yeah, yeah shes nom-noms and she looks good in that suit, but she needs to gain some muscle and maybe spend a weekend at Lilith-Faire before she jumps on the beating the SHY-NOLA outta Ares band wagon! But in her defense, she would be a lot better than the talk of having BEYONCE’ play her. I mean..seriously, Beo-wolf-once’. I’m thinking no.

Back in 2005 Whedon signed on to write and direct the live action movie. But its about to be 2009, apparently there were some issues and junk…and stuff, but there is also talks that the script isn’t entirely dead. We’ll see what happens.

On the upside, there IS a new animated movie that seems pretty awesome! Check it out Here!

Ayer me llegó al correo electrónico un mail desde Cingalia en el que me preguntaban cuanto cobraba por matar. Yo, que soy una persona educada y comprensiva, y teniendo en cuenta que estamos en crisis, les hice una oferta que no iban a poder rechazar: quinientos euros y una botella de vodka cingalés, que descubrí en un viaje que hice por ese país y que lamentablemente las normativas sanitarias de España no permiten su venta debido a su alta graduación: ciento cincuenta grados y eso en la versión más floja.

Ellos, maravillados, me respondieron que aceptaban, y que en breve recibiría las instrucciones y la identidad de la persona a la que tenía que despechar. Y justo hoy me ha llegado la transferencia y los datos, que leo a continuación.

“El sujeto es un blogger llamado Mamarrachi Legarda, publicista vitoriano que vive en bla bla bla. La razón de que queramos liquidarlo es el robo de uno de nuestros osos sagrados, al que alcoholizó para que lo siguiera hasta un pueblo llamado Licorera. Debe enviarnos su cabeza por US Postal Service para demostrar que ha cumplido con el trabajo, y le mandaremos la botella de vodka”.

Así que debía matarme a mi mismo. Esto me pasa por hablar con desconocidos por Internet. Claro, seguro que han reconocido mi foto en el Blog y han decidido vengarse. Encima de que salvé al oso de una vida de lujos a cambio de la pecaminosa vida del oso moroso pero alcohólico. Cada vez me sorprende más la gente.

El problema es que ya me he comprometido con matarme, y me da cosa decirles que no puedo hacerlo. Que igual hasta deciden contratar un sicario para que me maten. Está claro, no puedo correr el riesgo. Además, que esta en juego una botella de vodka cingalés, y eso ya son palabras mayores.

De todas maneras, habiendo mil asesinos en Cingalia, no entiendo por qué no los contratan a ellos. Será porque son muy malos, porque yo fui a contratarles para que mataran a Txetxu y este sigue vivo. En la cárcel, pero vivo.

Y este va a ser mi primer asesinato, pero también el último. Juro que en cuanto me haya matado no volveré a aceptar un encargo de asesino a sueldo.

Ahora que lo pienso, si mi mujer es la muerte. Y tiene una guadaña afilada que es una delicia. ¿Y si le pido el favor a ella y asi no me mancho las manos de sangre? Aunque ella me quiere mucho, y si no me mató cuando se lo encargaron en el trabajo, no creo que quiera hacerlo ahora. Yo por si acaso se lo pido.

También es que, mira que son sádicos en Cingalia, que querer que les mande la cabeza… Podían haber pedido un dedo, la mano para echar al cocido, pero no, la cabeza entera. Ahora que me había instalado un cerebro intercambiable de Factoría Legarda… No me van a dejar disfrutarlo.

¿Y si les mando un oso panda como compensación? Si, eso voy a hacer, que aunque en su cultura este tipo de osos sean considerados la encarnación del mismísimo diablo, seguro que les gusta. Además, como en Cingalia la mayoría de las casas están hechas de bambú, al osito panda nunca le faltara comida.

Y otra de mis geniales ideas, mandarles un mail contratándolos para matarse a si mismos. Como los mil habitantes de Cingalia son asesinos… Pues nada, ahora mismo me pongo a hacerles la oferta. O puedo viajar para contratarlos en persona, y de paso les envío el oso, y así todos contentos.

Si es que, lo que no se me ocurra a mi para lograr que me perdonen la vida… Seguro que hasta organizan algún evento especial en mi honor.

OMG, my body is hating me right now.  I’m so exhausted from running around doing errands.  I just completed making bath salts and sugar scrubs that I’ll be selling at a craft fair tomorrow.  They smell so good so I guess I shouldn’t complain about the effort I just put in. But I felt like I had to post before I went to bed.  So to everyone reading, Hey!  and beau soir.

Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. While you all blanch at the thought of sex between men, you freely fantasize about girl-on-girl action, or perhaps dabbled in it in college, respective male and female breeders. News flash: Guys, those girls are talented straight actresses, and your wife knows about the videos. Ladies, why don’t you call me anymore?

Since we’re being truthful with one another, I can let the cat out of the bag about lesbian intercourse. Without beating around the bush, it’s time I beat around the bush in an effort to explain everything there is—and isn’t—when it comes to lesbian sex (AKA “beating around the bush”). For propriety’s sake, I’ve chosen to expose the hidden truths of lesbian sex, in a graphic description delivered entirely in feline euphemisms.

Soft lighting can make anyone look gay!

Like lesbians, cats have a reputation for being independent, distant, and sometimes separatist in nature; but, both children and adults warm at the idea of a litter of kittens playfully tumbling, rolling, and rubbing up against each other suggestively. What we often don’t think about is what actually goes down in that throbbing ball of undulating fur. Awww, kittens!

“I love you, Michelle. Promise you’ll never leave.”

The answer, Dear Breeder, is that it depends entirely on the pussy! There are lots of different kinds of pussies, and different pussies have different needs—just like us! Most pussies like to be touched and petted, sometimes for hours on end. When a pussy has been well-fed and spent a long day (or many long, lonely years in Columbus, Ohio) lounging in the sun, the pussy will passionately tremble at the mere touch of your hand. Eventually, she will begin to purr feverishly at your tender, loving, and attentive (but not too hard!) touches, until finally she mews in ecstasy*.

The great thing about pussies is that they practically clean themselves! And there’s nothing sweeter than seeing a pussy licking another pussy until the dirty pussy’s so clean and satisfied she settles in for a long cat nap. Aw, cute! Kittens!

Me so sexy.

For variety, many pussy-lovers keep wind-up, battery-operated, or silicon toy mice around the house, to bring out when their pussies are feeling especially frisky (or lonesome, or bored). There are all sorts of toys to keep your pussy happy and interested for years to come. And that will keep your pussy coming for years.

But what happens when pussies stray from the litter?

“Why do you seem so distant lately?”

You’ve probably heard the screeching of a cat fight late at night and wondered what all the commotion was about, haven’t you? To put it simply, it’s usually the result of one of three scenarios: 1) one pussy caught a disease that it can only catch from other pussies; 2) one pussy feels like it’s “time to move on”; or, 3) both pussies have been nervous about the future of their relationship and have admittedly been drinking too much milk and have a lot to “work on” as a couple and have been analyzing the “power dynamic” between them for months now tirelessly, endlessly, only for one pussy to find out that the other pussy is nothing but a rat in pussy’s clothing, and really, she always knew it, it was just her low self-esteem and unrealized feminism that kept her in a scenario that was so obviously aligned with the Power and Control Wheel™ cycle of abuse. Awww, kittens!

And that, my Dear Breeder, is the world of lesbian sex writ in frank detail with a no-nonsense approach. Truth is, just like in straight relationships, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. But usually, the easiest way is to get that cat half in the bag first!

*I hate to get political here—“oh yawn,” you might be thinking, “why are lesbians so serious?”—but I feel very strongly that your pussy be de-clawed if she plays with other pussies. Long nails can mean damage, emotional and physical. In the first case, some cats don’t like to play with cats that have long nails. In the latter, a fistful of monster claw can leave a pussy bleeding for days—not once a month like God intended!

Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. While you all blanch at the thought of sex between men, you freely fantasize about girl-on-girl action, or perhaps dabbled in it in college, respective male and female breeders. News flash: Guys, those girls are talented straight actresses, and your wife knows about the videos. Ladies, why don’t you call me anymore?

Since we’re being truthful with one another, I can let the cat out of the bag about lesbian intercourse. Without beating around the bush, it’s time I beat around the bush in an effort to explain everything there is—and isn’t—when it comes to lesbian sex (AKA “beating around the bush”). For propriety’s sake, I’ve chosen to expose the hidden truths of lesbian sex, in a graphic description delivered entirely in feline euphemisms.

Soft lighting can make anyone look gay!

Like lesbians, cats have a reputation for being independent, distant, and sometimes separatist in nature; but, both children and adults warm at the idea of a litter of kittens playfully tumbling, rolling, and rubbing up against each other suggestively. What we often don’t think about is what actually goes down in that throbbing ball of undulating fur. Awww, kittens!

“I love you, Michelle. Promise you’ll never leave.”

The answer, Dear Breeder, is that it depends entirely on the pussy! There are lots of different kinds of pussies, and different pussies have different needs—just like us! Most pussies like to be touched and petted, sometimes for hours on end. When a pussy has been well-fed and spent a long day (or many long, lonely years in Columbus, Ohio) lounging in the sun, the pussy will passionately tremble at the mere touch of your hand. Eventually, she will begin to purr feverishly at your tender, loving, and attentive (but not too hard!) touches, until finally she mews in ecstasy*.

The great thing about pussies is that they practically clean themselves! And there’s nothing sweeter than seeing a pussy licking another pussy until the dirty pussy’s so clean and satisfied she settles in for a long cat nap. Aw, cute! Kittens!

Me so sexy.

For variety, many pussy-lovers keep wind-up, battery-operated, or silicon toy mice around the house, to bring out when their pussies are feeling especially frisky (or lonesome, or bored). There are all sorts of toys to keep your pussy happy and interested for years to come. And that will keep your pussy coming for years.

But what happens when pussies stray from the litter?

“Why do you seem so distant lately?”

You’ve probably heard the screeching of a cat fight late at night and wondered what all the commotion was about, haven’t you? To put it simply, it’s usually the result of one of three scenarios: 1) one pussy caught a disease that it can only catch from other pussies; 2) one pussy feels like it’s “time to move on”; or, 3) both pussies have been nervous about the future of their relationship and have admittedly been drinking too much milk and have a lot to “work on” as a couple and have been analyzing the “power dynamic” between them for months now tirelessly, endlessly, only for one pussy to find out that the other pussy is nothing but a rat in pussy’s clothing, and really, she always knew it, it was just her low self-esteem and unrealized feminism that kept her in a scenario that was so obviously aligned with the Power and Control Wheel™ cycle of abuse. Awww, kittens!

And that, my Dear Breeder, is the world of lesbian sex writ in frank detail with a no-nonsense approach. Truth is, just like in straight relationships, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. But usually, the easiest way is to get that cat half in the bag first!

*I hate to get political here—“oh yawn,” you might be thinking, “why are lesbians so serious?”—but I feel very strongly that your pussy be de-clawed if she plays with other pussies. Long nails can mean damage, emotional and physical. In the first case, some cats don’t like to play with cats that have long nails. In the latter, a fistful of monster claw can leave a pussy bleeding for days—not once a month like God intended!

Remember when Meg Ryan was attractive?  I think I do.  There was a  time when  I would’ve never uttered the following words: Med Ryan Needs to Buy a Fucking Bra!  I give you exhibits “a” and “b”:

“Jahrae, take a look at this!” Hrilleae called out to her daughter, a touch of excitement evident in her voice. Jahrae sat at her desk, engrossed in her work. Hearing her mum’s excitement, her attention diverted toward Hrilleae.

Hrilleae was monitoring communications from the Arrkarhara system; the signal source identified two days before, opened the gateway into all manner of broadcasts – and a resulting wealth of information. Their computer quickly established a translation interface for the broadcasts, translating spoken words into scrolling Arrhazonan text below broadcast images.

Jahrae walked over and rested her arms lightly on her mum’s shoulders, while she peered at the screen to her front. The video was of someone speaking to an audience, and as Hrilleae rewound the recorded element, a still picture of llhaesa lying in a bed came on screen.

The scrolling text indicated the person was talking on treating ‘the Salstons’ as guests – yet they obviously associated that name with llhaesa. “Goddess of Arrhazon!” Jahrae exclaimed, now with proof of llhaesa’s presence and condition. “Great work, mum! Keep scouring their airwaves; if this person is talking on llhaesa, surely others are as well. Now if you excuse me, I have to place a call.”

Jahrae’s insides ran wild, as if a party were underway while she kept it hidden from neighbours. Rushing to make the call, her mind still found time to relish the image of 39 year old llhaesa, an even though she lay ill, Jahrae’s mind concluded llhaesa aged well.

Making her way back to her desk, Jahrae switched her interface to external communication, and established a connection with Arrhazon, specifically to Chief of Government Gl’nsiel. Gl’nsiel came on directly, and each gave greeting to the other. “Gl’nsiel, we have our first actual proof of llhaesa’s presence on the Arrkarhara world – we are now monitoring their communications, and a short while ago, we intercepted a broadcast picture of llhaesa, who evidently was the subject of this broadcast.”

“That is excellent news, Jahrae! Would you mind if I share this news with Arrhazon? They know nothing of this mission, and I think it is time we go public.” This was one broadcast Gl’nsiel anticipated with much relish.

“Please feel free to share the news! I imagine the world will be rather holiday like tomorrow; it would be fun to witness this.” “How far out are you currently, Jahrae?”

“We are roughly 70 days away still; the days cannot pass by slower than now! There is an up side; I learn their language, the better to interact as we search for llhaesa.”

“Jahrae, I have not yet tasked you to this, and this is voluntary, you need not accept. I would like you to consider your role expanded to include ambassadorial envoy to their world.

From what you have shared, coupled with what we learn here, we adversely affected a hundred or more of their people through the actions of that team from our world. That was an unconscionable act of ill will, and I wish for you to extend my apologies and offer restitution of some form. Work to establish cordial relations if you sense such opportunity. I will send along formal authorisation sometime in the next day – should you choose to accept.”

“I accept, Gl’nsiel. Your request is in line with my thinking on this matter, and I would be honoured to carry such a message.”

“Before I go, Jahrae – your hair is striking! That length, the front with a startling look of fire as contrasted with your black hair, wow! Did you do this yourself?”

“Hardly and I thank you for your kindness! The styling is the vision of Oalessa, who proudly styles aboard the Equalist.”

“Time for me to visit Equalist then, next time she circles Arrhazon!” Gl’nsiel joked. “Well done, Jahrae.” Turning more toward encouragement, Gl’nsiel added, “the 70 days seem endless to their front side, but this time shall past quickly in retrospect. You have much to do and prepare for. When that time is up, we shall have a reunion for the ages!”

The two friends signed off, with Gl’nsiel calling her staff together to announce her intent to speak to Arrhazon without much delay. Within an hour Gl’nsiel’s staff scheduled airtime, for eight pm local time.

Precisely at eight, Gl’nsiel went live, on air. “Good evening. Over the last two months, information came forth that has left me biting my tongue in anticipation of the day when I could share this openly.

That time is now. Government archivists processing Brellian-era documents have uncovered information that led to a series of astounding discoveries. Because of the discoveries, I tasked a mission to follow up on the information, to seek out and attempt to bring closure.

This information indicated Brellian operatives took llhaesa t’yaeli’s body off world. We wished to locate her body and return it to Arrhazon, with her people. I asked Jahrae Khentavra to lead this mission. She and her team are actively working as we speak on board AISV Equalist.

Since leaving, more information has surfaced, information that llhaesa ahrella t’yaeli is in fact, alive. A few hours ago, I spoke with Jahrae, who shared with me an intercepted broadcast that mentioned llhaesa.

We have learned Brellian’s operatives brought llhaesa to the Arrkarhara system, and at this moment, AISV Equalist heads for that system. We have this broadcast along with translated subtext, and you may view it within the hour.

You will see llhaesa lying in a hospital bed. It is evident this world knows of her presence, and her presence is some cause for consternation on that world. Accordingly, AISV Equalist is on a rescue mission, with Jahrae in overall command.

Jahrae will serve as ambassadorial envoy to the Arrkarharan world. More details on this element will follow.

This is glorious news, and I trust a smile plies the face of each Arrhazonan with its learning.

Goodnight, and may llhaesa return home well of body, well of spirit! “

“Jahrae, take a look at this!” Hrilleae called out to her daughter, a touch of excitement evident in her voice. Jahrae sat at her desk, engrossed in her work. Hearing her mum’s excitement, her attention diverted toward Hrilleae.

Hrilleae was monitoring communications from the Arrkarhara system; the signal source identified two days before, opened the gateway into all manner of broadcasts – and a resulting wealth of information. Their computer quickly established a translation interface for the broadcasts, translating spoken words into scrolling Arrhazonan text below broadcast images.

Jahrae walked over and rested her arms lightly on her mum’s shoulders, while she peered at the screen to her front. The video was of someone speaking to an audience, and as Hrilleae rewound the recorded element, a still picture of llhaesa lying in a bed came on screen.

The scrolling text indicated the person was talking on treating ‘the Salstons’ as guests – yet they obviously associated that name with llhaesa. “Goddess of Arrhazon!” Jahrae exclaimed, now with proof of llhaesa’s presence and condition. “Great work, mum! Keep scouring their airwaves; if this person is talking on llhaesa, surely others are as well. Now if you excuse me, I have to place a call.”

Jahrae’s insides ran wild, as if a party were underway while she kept it hidden from neighbours. Rushing to make the call, her mind still found time to relish the image of 39 year old llhaesa, an even though she lay ill, Jahrae’s mind concluded llhaesa aged well.

Making her way back to her desk, Jahrae switched her interface to external communication, and established a connection with Arrhazon, specifically to Chief of Government Gl’nsiel. Gl’nsiel came on directly, and each gave greeting to the other. “Gl’nsiel, we have our first actual proof of llhaesa’s presence on the Arrkarhara world – we are now monitoring their communications, and a short while ago, we intercepted a broadcast picture of llhaesa, who evidently was the subject of this broadcast.”

“That is excellent news, Jahrae! Would you mind if I share this news with Arrhazon? They know nothing of this mission, and I think it is time we go public.” This was one broadcast Gl’nsiel anticipated with much relish.

“Please feel free to share the news! I imagine the world will be rather holiday like tomorrow; it would be fun to witness this.” “How far out are you currently, Jahrae?”

“We are roughly 70 days away still; the days cannot pass by slower than now! There is an up side; I learn their language, the better to interact as we search for llhaesa.”

“Jahrae, I have not yet tasked you to this, and this is voluntary, you need not accept. I would like you to consider your role expanded to include ambassadorial envoy to their world.

From what you have shared, coupled with what we learn here, we adversely affected a hundred or more of their people through the actions of that team from our world. That was an unconscionable act of ill will, and I wish for you to extend my apologies and offer restitution of some form. Work to establish cordial relations if you sense such opportunity. I will send along formal authorisation sometime in the next day – should you choose to accept.”

“I accept, Gl’nsiel. Your request is in line with my thinking on this matter, and I would be honoured to carry such a message.”

“Before I go, Jahrae – your hair is striking! That length, the front with a startling look of fire as contrasted with your black hair, wow! Did you do this yourself?”

“Hardly and I thank you for your kindness! The styling is the vision of Oalessa, who proudly styles aboard the Equalist.”

“Time for me to visit Equalist then, next time she circles Arrhazon!” Gl’nsiel joked. “Well done, Jahrae.” Turning more toward encouragement, Gl’nsiel added, “the 70 days seem endless to their front side, but this time shall past quickly in retrospect. You have much to do and prepare for. When that time is up, we shall have a reunion for the ages!”

The two friends signed off, with Gl’nsiel calling her staff together to announce her intent to speak to Arrhazon without much delay. Within an hour Gl’nsiel’s staff scheduled airtime, for eight pm local time.

Precisely at eight, Gl’nsiel went live, on air. “Good evening. Over the last two months, information came forth that has left me biting my tongue in anticipation of the day when I could share this openly.

That time is now. Government archivists processing Brellian-era documents have uncovered information that led to a series of astounding discoveries. Because of the discoveries, I tasked a mission to follow up on the information, to seek out and attempt to bring closure.

This information indicated Brellian operatives took llhaesa t’yaeli’s body off world. We wished to locate her body and return it to Arrhazon, with her people. I asked Jahrae Khentavra to lead this mission. She and her team are actively working as we speak on board AISV Equalist.

Since leaving, more information has surfaced, information that llhaesa ahrella t’yaeli is in fact, alive. A few hours ago, I spoke with Jahrae, who shared with me an intercepted broadcast that mentioned llhaesa.

We have learned Brellian’s operatives brought llhaesa to the Arrkarhara system, and at this moment, AISV Equalist heads for that system. We have this broadcast along with translated subtext, and you may view it within the hour.

You will see llhaesa lying in a hospital bed. It is evident this world knows of her presence, and her presence is some cause for consternation on that world. Accordingly, AISV Equalist is on a rescue mission, with Jahrae in overall command.

Jahrae will serve as ambassadorial envoy to the Arrkarharan world. More details on this element will follow.

This is glorious news, and I trust a smile plies the face of each Arrhazonan with its learning.

Goodnight, and may llhaesa return home well of body, well of spirit! “

I’m not sure why I have such a soft spot for the homosexual community. It might be because I have a small number of homosexual friends and family, it might be because I myself have dealt with confusion about my own sexuality, it might be because I simply can’t stand to see any human being persecuted for doing something so basic as living or all of the above. For whatever reason, I feel very drawn to this particular social group when it comes to civil rights.

Tonight my boyfriend and I watched a documentary film titled ” For The Bible Tells Me so”. It is basically about how bible believing christian families have dealt with homosexuality within their families. The movie posses some very profound ideas on what the bible may or may not say about homosexuality, about who god may or may not be and what’s really right in the end. Let me add this is not an anti-christian film, everyone that participated in the film is a christian but they each have very different ideas on where homosexuality fits in life and faith.

Wether you have made up your mind about where you stand on this issue or not, I would encourage anyone reading this to give this film a look and to try to really understand what some of these people are saying. It’s a very touching film ( I cried during several parts) and it could be a great way of, if not changing your mind, at least getting you to see the other side of things.

I will probably post more on this tomorrow, about specific things the film talked about, I’m just too tired to do so tonight. For now, here is one of the previews of the film